Today I had a conversation with Tun Dr Mahathir. 

This is the kind of conversation that a person doesn’t normally have. I don’t expect that many people will have it or many people would have had it.

Given everything that has happened so far, it’s far from clear that many other people will be able to have it, and so I know that it is a rare and wonderful privilege. 

I remember clearly all the things that happened. I showed up in a GrabCar to the Perdana Leadership Foundation, ten minutes before our 9:30 appointment. 

Walking in to the picturesque building, there I saw our very first national car in blue – the Saga, brought forth from one of Tun Mahathir’s pet projects. 

As I looked around, I saw that the place was grand – the paintings of prime ministers depicting Tunku Abdul Rahman, Tun Razak, Tun Hussein Onn, Tun Mahathir, and Tun Abdullah – the gallery – the chandeliers and carpeted floors broken only by gorgeous wooden balustrades that led a curved staircase up into an open space.

I stood there spellbound – I had not expected a place of such beauty. 

As I looked around, I realized that I had arrived early and it was not time for my appointment yet. But before long, my contact Adam called – and so with bated breath, I walked into the room where I would meet Tun Dr. Mahathir. 

In the morning, I had watched Khairy Jamaluddin and Shahril Hamdan’s interview of Tun Mahathir on 2X, paying attention to the questions that he had asked and all of the things along the way, which was also interesting because incidentally I’d also met both of them just the other day at a book launch featuring Kishore Mahbubani – How strange fate is and how the world seems to connect everybody in short order. 

And then I stepped in to the door that separated me from meeting Tun.

It was funny how I didn’t feel a sense of fear at all – rather just a sense that maybe this was destiny and that somehow or another, the fates had decided that this was to be my lot:

And so I stepped in and there I saw an office that I’d only seen on Google – the gigantic table hidden behind a gorgeous wooden screen and a sitting area clearly meant for entertaining diplomats, high level guests, potentially members of royalty along the way; as I walked past the screen, there I saw it all. The gigantic Quran that lay unfolded at the back. The backlighting of the entire place tastefully brought together. 3D printed Darth Vader helmets and a Stormtrooper helmet; trinkets from Japan… And eventually, as my eyes moved around the scene, there I saw the person whom I was meant to meet: 

Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad. 

There was the person that I’d only seen on television or known through the newspapers. Physically and in the flesh. 

At that point, I realized something strange – I was oddly calm. In fact, I wasn’t sure of only exactly one thing – What language I would speak to him first. 

As I gazed at the man, I extended my hand and said, “Selamat sejahtera, Tun.” 

Somehow, I had decided that it was Malay, although we immediately continued in English. 

If you’ve ever seen any of my videos, you’ll notice that what I tend to do is place a camera at the far end of a table, and then film people using the wide angle and then point a long focal length lens at them and then that makes up the entire video.

But it was then only that I saw the enormity of Dr. Mahathir’s table. I looked at it and the thing was immense. Probably five regular-sized tables, one after another, forming a U-shape in all directions with all kinds of different paraphernalia all over it, terminating only in the far corners, even as it accommodated what seemed to be infinite space.

The next couple of minutes was spent setting up and thinking about logistics, as Dr. M told me about some fascinating things like his Japan obsession, the 3D printed Darth Vader helmet, and everything in between…

…And then we began to speak.

How do you even describe a conversation like that?

A conversation where you’re sitting with someone who has led an entire country?

A chat where you think that the person who was speaking with you had the willpower to push millions of people forward in the course of a national project?

Oddly enough, for me… I’d describe it as ‘calm’, if I think about it, is kind of a strange thing to say, because one thing I never noticed is that Mahathir’s eyes are truly, in case you’ve never looked at them closely, objectively quite terrifying. 

I say terrifying in the sense that, if you look at his eyes, it appears that there is a sort of life force inside them, a vitality, a struggle to push forward which is large enough to encapsulate an entire nation. 

Looking at the man, I could see that his willpower was truly incredible, that somehow within those eyes there was a spirit so large that it could overpower dragons, conquerors, and everything in between – possibly even a demon king – even at the age of 99. These are the eyes of the the man who became the Prime Minister of Malaysia twice and was elected as the world’s oldest head of state.

Yet I was calm. 

I don’t know why, the words just arrived. They came out of me, second by second and minute by minute, as I just pondered the questions that had come about on my mind. 

If I were to describe it again, I guess I would call it a state of flow, the sort of thing that comes about when somebody is truly in their element, ready for every single challenge that may come along the way, even as I listened carefully to Tun and all the things that he shared along the way – one of the few people who could. 

How fascinating to realize that probably the most nervous person of all in that room was Tun’s assistant, Adam, who had ushered me in with a cautious look on his face, seemingly nervous at what was to come. 

A video will come up soon, in which Tun M and I will speak about affirmative action, the Malays in Malaysian society, Israel-Palestine, and the crucial question of education in our society. 

Thank you for the incredible conversation, Tun Mahathir. It was and always will remain one of my dearest memories!

It’s going to be a fun one! 🤩

Recommended Posts

What I Would Do Differently From The Madani Government (In Managing Speech Online)

As some of you may know, I have recently been making a range of videos about topics that I think are important for Malaysia to discuss, namely the 3 R’s. Recently, the user ​⁠@coldsunflares asked me on my YouTube channel and my video about the penunggang agama Rayyan Wong who recently accused PMX and our Agong of eating in a non-halal restaurant about what I would do differently from the Madani Government when it comes to regulating what some may call extremism or penunggang agama.  It was quite a thoughtful comment, and I reproduce it here.  “You mentioned the government’s inability to deal with these kinds of issues, which for the most part, is true. However, how would you propose they deal with it? Because any time the government decides to take these so-called “decisive action”, they are labelled as “draconian, stifling freedom of speech” among other things. On one hand, the government is hard pressed to take these measure because of their history of championing reforms, equality and civil liberty, but on the other are those “from the other side” who hides behind the guise of freedom of speech (without decorum) to spread malicious statements, as is evident from multiple recent incidents, i.e. China flag issue, mandatory Halal cert, etc. We are bursting at the seams with people who point out the problem, but not so much people who can come up with a feasible solution to these issues.” The comment I wrote was too long for the margins of the comment window, and after I had written it I realized – it was too long even for the YouTube post window, so here it is in full blog entry glory.  Response begins:  I think even now, the Madani government is having huge problems with actually portraying itself as a compassionate government – but I feel that this is because […]

My Wrong Assumptions About Destiny and Getting Old

As Reinhold Neibuhr once famously said… I reflect on this quote a lot more than I should, and every single year it means something slightly different. I rather like my interpretation this year and the thoughts that have come out from it, and so I share them here. When I was a child, I had a whole list of ideas of what people must be like as they grew older. Older people were richer because the universe made them so – they were married because their partners were brought into their lives; they were fatter because a divine ordinance made their bodies expand; things happened automatically because they were simply ‘meant to be’. I now see that a lot of this was wrong-headed, and came about because of intellectual laziness that I no longer consider valid. As time passed, I saw that things were not so simple. People became rich because they worked for it either hard or smart – they got married because they had relationships with people, romantic and then sexual, that they decided to make into family ties; they were fatter because they were often sedentary as part of a modern condition; things could happen because of chance, but in all likelihood people could steer the ship far more effectively than they could give themselves credit for but even then lose themselves in the comforting soma of a ‘fate’ narrative. Well, comfort is a beautiful thing. In some instances, it’s even necessary. After all, there are lots of things in this world where what you believe and what I believe are opposed, but circumstances are uncertain and neither of us might be right – in this situation, how should we think and navigate the world? It would be easy for one person to conclude that well, because fate is a thing, it doesn’t matter what we do – […]

Letting Go Of Presumptions

There’s a very liberating feeling that comes about when a person lets go of all the things that they felt used to hold them back – a sense that maybe things are easier to do, a feeling that nobody is restraining them. That’s definitely how I’ve felt about making content recently, even as I make things that not everyone may agree with or things that people may feel are controversial. Some people say that it’s dangerous, and maybe that’s true, but the way I think about my content is that I should make content that is true to myself, to what I believe in, and what I’m fighting for – and that if there is a social aspect to what I do and choose to create, it is that it should reshape society in an image that I want it to be reshaped in. I find it odd that I didn’t use to think this way – that somehow or another it always felt difficult to say what I truly wanted to say, that my voice was somehow caught inside a metaphorical throat filled with narrow passageways and constant blockages, refusing to allow what came from within to be expressed. Moving ahead seems a little easier now, and it is something that I will do. Looking forward to sharing more with the world soon 🙂

Making Every Minute Worth It

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how time is finite. The moments that we have on earth, the memories that we have, the seconds that flow by… Everything is finite. You think that the moments will roll and everything will come and go infinitely – but it’s not true; all of it is part of a set of flowing sands flowing through glass crevices into a pile that lies down below, and whether we like it or not, these moments will one day all fade away as we hit inescapable limits, bound by biology, time, and energy. We have all the reason to make every minute worth it. Every ounce of energy earn something. Every part of our minds, our cognitions, our planning yield some sort of meaningful and measurable benefit to our happiness, our joy, our wallets, and everything in between. As the year comes to an end, it’s strange to see – my energy has multiplied, my peace has come closer, and I am moving forward faster than I ever have, with so little compunction or fear that it’s interesting to watch someone who seems to be of a different body and mind than the person who had been here before. There are many good things that I feel about who I am and who I will become, and I look forward to seeing where things will go 🙂

Doc.new

Just discovered the doc.new shortcut, and it’s lifechanging.  All you do? Go to Chrome, and type in “doc.new” into the address bar, and poof – here you are, with a brand new Google Document. Why do I even know this? Because I use Google documents every day, and I like to make things just a little easier for myself so I don’t get the excuse of saying that I didn’t do things because they were too cumbersome or too difficult.  Here, I was trying to get a shortcut to create a new document and I was looking for the easiest possible way to do it – a way of enabling me to do things more easily, in more refined a fashion, in more simple a way to make things happen and develop. Docs.new is one of the most elegant things I’ve discovered this entire year, and it’s a shock that that realization came in nothing more than a single search for the shortcut and a single phrase typed into a keyboard. It makes me wonder how many other instances of this exist out there in our strange universe.

Some Thoughts on YouTube

Lately, I’ve become a lot more consistent with making YouTube content, but it’s not because of any sort of planning or anything – it’s because I’ve become a lot more stubborn, dogged, and just don’t really care as much what people think. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten a little older now, maybe it’s because I no longer care, or maybe it was a skill issue – I won’t really know until I do my self-analysis, which I hope to do progressively as I compare my scripts to what I’ve done along the way, which I would like to do and hopefully will succeed at some time soon. Anyway, I thought this would be a fun post to think about what I’m putting out there and why, which kind of extends to the question of what I’m doing with social media anyway. But first… Why Even YouTube? YouTube to me is one of the best art forms that I have access to, and it’s one of the most enjoyable pastimes to me. It’s not even a pastime that I’m particularly good at, but it’s something that gives me meaning in a whole bunch of different ways because it’s enjoyable – something that blends together my feelings at any moment with that wish somehow to craft things for this world. You see, YouTube is about videos, and videos are an immersive experience and a recorded section of reality. The thing is (and we could go deep philosophical into this but this really isn’t the point of this blog post) videos don’t even have to be about the tangible and the everyday – they can just be selections or samplings of experiences that narrow down that experience into a single channel; a collection of moments seen, created, formed – a targeted crafting of reality that is very different from say, writing a blog post […]