If there were a flaw that I would observe about myself, I think it would be this. That I am someone who thinks a little too much about what other people think.
What this means sometimes is that I tend to not want to release things because I fear that they won’t be appreciated, people won’t like them, or anything else of that nature.
And granted, that doesn’t happen across everything. If it’s just an Instagram story, for example, I just enjoy releasing dumb, interesting things that reflect the different random things that happen during the course of the day.
But when it comes to more extended creative projects, I think that I am restrained in some ways by feeling that everything needs to be perfect.
Everything needs to somehow just match up with the best. And in some ways, that is kind of negative, because if you were to just try for things that aren’t always good, if you’re a new perfectionist, then what ends up happening is that, sure, you might end up creating a good product, but what will probably happen also is that you’ll just not release anything.
And believe me, that does happen quite a fair bit for me. I am the kind of person who tends to hem to haw, to just kind of let things go by because I think, “Oh, it’s not ready. Oh, I shouldn’t release this. Oh, more needs to be done.”
And that’s just my nature. I tend to be pretty careful with a lot of different things.
But at the same time, I’d like to try to get past that and I think that that can happen in at least two different ways.
One is that I reach a level of ability whereby the things that I do end up matching what I consider to be a nice standard. Maybe that’s a bit of a cop-out because that requires me to get to a certain level whereby pretty much anything I say or do just becomes acceptable as a creative product. It’s not really that sort of change of heart that I was kind of going at along the way earlier, but it’s one possibility, really.
I genuinely believe that people who can produce prodigiously, many of them are at that level partly because I think that that is the level that I would need to be at.
Maybe that’s a limiting belief.
Maybe in reality, the vast majority of the things that people make out there in this world are just not particularly good.
Maybe I’m just a little too self-concerned, conceited, caught up in my own thinking when actually there’s no enemy.
But who knows?
What’s for sure is that there is a sort of limiting belief that has been operating in my life, and I think it’s a good time to let it go – one of the reasons why I’m treating this website sort of as a group therapy session at the moment.
But in the future, I do genuinely hope that somehow or another, a little part of me is going to change. A little part of me is going to transform. A little part of me is just going to develop that skill, that pride, that recognition of something worthwhile to share. Maybe so worthwhile that it doesn’t matter even if I come out imperfect, even if it’s not ready, whatever – Because what matters most is the contribution and not perfection.
Who knows? Anyway, life has been interesting, and I’m kind of looking forward to what’s coming up here and there. So many different things to update, lots of ideas to share along, and a whole range of things I never thought that I would ever experience.
I’m very grateful for what the universe has brought, what it brings, and what it will continue to bring. Let’s just put it there.
