I’m lying down right now with my eyes closed, trying to rest while releasing a couple of thoughts. I’ve been watching a ton of videos about vibe coding and how people create apps and take part in a dream. I think I have a bit of a picture of what is happening along the way, and some ideas for apps.

The context is that I built a couple of apps in the past couple of days:

• Slap Mania, which is fun, and you can access it at slapmania.org.
• Vibe Coder Simulator, which is exactly what it sounds like: a simulator of vibe coding.

I want to make this into a big game, but I think I don’t have enough resources. There are a lot of other things that need to happen along the way, and I’m just not sure how to make those things happen.

Believing in yourself is a little bit easier if you have evidence for why it is that you should believe in yourself and stuff like that. Of course, it’s not easy, and there is an aspect of reality in that, because really, the world doesn’t owe you anything. That makes things interesting but also difficult.

Having said that, I’ve really been making a lot of different things, and by any measure or standard, the level of output that I’ve been coming up with is crazy and insane. Most people would not be able to imagine it. It is the fruit of immense productivity, even if I am lying down.

That all begs the question: what is this really all for? To release part of myself into the world, to let myself become happy and satisfied with everything? That’s where moments like these come in, where I reflect on what’s been happening about our place in this world. That’s something I’ve been thinking a lot more about recently, even as time passes and as I read, reflect, think back on things, and pass them through the prism that is my mind.

Caught on a million different things, I don’t know how long this life is going to be sustainable for. I know that, in many ways, this loop needs to be something that I navigate much more credibly, more healthily, with better and more intelligent steps. I’m lying down here complaining about this because I know that I am not enough. That’s not something that I’m saying to any individual person, but rather just to the world at large as an expression of my own ego.

I look at myself and think to myself that I have been found wanting. I don’t feel a lack of confidence in any way, but I know internally that there’s a lot more that has to come out, that needs to happen, and that requires my role to be present, coordinating, planning, and just making it happen.

For what it’s worth, there’s a lot of learning here, although there’s a lot of wastage.

You have no idea how much AI credit I have wasted, how much money I’ve taken out and burned effectively in the name of developing these new types of understanding. I suppose that we could call them the tuition for this heightened awareness, though it doesn’t make it any less painful.

Having said that, it definitely feels like I’m growing, even if not everything points in that general direction. I look forward to what that all means, to being able to better thrive in this world, and to letting these feelings give birth to something better than they had inherited before.