Was very pleased to receive this last week!

Maybe it seems strange that I not only serve as a teacher but also in this capacity, but I think that it is a natural extension of everything I’ve been doing, just with a different group of people and clients – the focus at the end of the day is the same – to entertain, to educate, and to empower people to develop skills that will serve them well in the modern age.

Thank you to everyone who came along on the journey with me, referred me, supported me, and brought me forward in an infinitude of different ways – you know who you are 🙂

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Fighting Perfectionism

If there were a flaw that I would observe about myself, I think it would be this. That I am someone who thinks a little too much about what other people think. What this means sometimes is that I tend to not want to release things because I fear that they won’t be appreciated, people won’t like them, or anything else of that nature. And granted, that doesn’t happen across everything. If it’s just an Instagram story, for example, I just enjoy releasing dumb, interesting things that reflect the different random things that happen during the course of the day. But when it comes to more extended creative projects, I think that I am restrained in some ways by feeling that everything needs to be perfect. Everything needs to somehow just match up with the best. And in some ways, that is kind of negative, because if you were to just try for things that aren’t always good, if you’re a new perfectionist, then what ends up happening is that, sure, you might end up creating a good product, but what will probably happen also is that you’ll just not release anything. And believe me, that does happen quite a fair bit for me. I am the kind of person who tends to hem to haw, to just kind of let things go by because I think, “Oh, it’s not ready. Oh, I shouldn’t release this. Oh, more needs to be done.” And that’s just my nature. I tend to be pretty careful with a lot of different things. But at the same time, I’d like to try to get past that and I think that that can happen in at least two different ways. One is that I reach a level of ability whereby the things that I do end up matching what I consider to be a nice standard. […]

Time and Existential Risk

Time is the ultimate existential risk.  I know this not just from deferring to the vague idea of theory or of an arcane book somewhere. It’s something that I’ve experienced deeply and intimately from my own struggling with the realities of procrastination in a world that seems to tolerate it on the surface, but only because I wasn’t able to appreciate what that procrastination brought about, the end of many different things, on timescales that I did not appreciate and therefore could not apprehend.  Now the thing is, as a child, you maybe don’t appreciate that time is passing. Far from it. When you’re in the midst of school, it feels least like time is passing. In boring afternoon lectures, it can feel like the entire moment has lasted more than a lifetime plus some change. And still, the teacher is there yapping about something that you don’t really care too much about.  All of us understand in life that all things come to an end.  Human lifespans are finite, averaging 72.6 years according to the WHO in 2019, with exceptions like Japan at 84.5, Singapore at 83.9, and Monaco at 89.4. The average career is 40 years.  School concludes in no more than 6 years at elementary level, 5 years in secondary. It kinda depends what kind of schooling system you go for and where you were born, but that doesn’t really matter. From school, maybe you work, or if you’re lucky enough, you go on to university. Then poof, 4 years later, maybe you graduate, get a new degree, and so on so forth – but in the moment, it feels like you were engaging with a distant theoretical concept, and the temptation draws us in to believe a quixotic ideal: “This moment will last forever.” But it will not. Though you may feel that it will last forever, […]

Sleep In Progress

I lie in bed, my eyes are closed. My over-caffeinated heart is beating, “Thud, thud, thud, thud, thud” in the depths of a chest that will not rest. This is the fruit that has grown from the coffee after a joyous evening, reminding me that not all that is pleasant is desirable and not all that is enjoyable yields longer term joy. It doesn’t help that the sound of laughter repeats from outside my window, innocuous at best at 10am but odious at 1am – a one digit separation, but a universe apart. The judgmental part of me considers the inconsiderate neighbors and their inconsiderate family members just casually laughing away with no thought for anyone whom they may affect, and somehow in a flash, it dawns upon me: This is the nature of true evil. Evil, in all likelihood, is not callous nor is it particularly malicious. It’s just the result of doing what feels right at a particular time, feeling that one is justified, with no deeper meaning underpinning it. I don’t suppose that my neighbors have a particular wish for me to experience sleep deprivation. No, rather they wish merely to enjoy their weekend. Does it mean that I am unaffected by what they are doing? No, by no means. I certainly am affected. That is why I am lying in bed right now, talking to myself. I think this characterizes most evil in this world. The consequence of people simply just following their self-interest in ways that they justify. “I was so tired the entire week.” “I need to celebrate.” “We’re all together right now. Why shouldn’t we make as much noise as we want?” “It’s just for the weekend. Surely they will understand.” But I don’t. I don’t think that there is anything particularly noble, wonderful, or celebratory about this whole coincidence of things because it […]

GRE – A First Test.

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An Interesting Year

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